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Analyzing fear diffuses
its power.
You've heard of
"analysis paralysis." That's
when you mull over something, study it, ask
the opinion of your friends, family,
strangers in the coffee shop, to the point
where you're essentially powerless to take
action because you're over-thinking the
situation.
It's not a good place to
be, and generally a real problem for people
who tend to be perfectionists, or afraid of
making a mistake, or afraid of failure, or
even success. I generally recommend
that you look out for "analysis
paralysis" and be ready to overcome it.
As is so often the case,
though, there is an exception to the general
rule of "avoid
overanalyzing." When it comes to
fear, try it.
Stare right at fear; put
it under microscopic scrutiny and wallow in
the mud with it. Look at it from all
different angles, take it apart, and pin
point exactly where the "fear" in
the situation lies.
Let's give this exercise
a go right now looking at the most common
fear: Public Speaking. It's something
most people fear more than death. Odd,
when you think about it, isn't it?
"Speak to the Junior League? No
thanks, I'd rather be run over by a Mac
truck."
Let the analyzing
begin. What exactly are people afraid
of about speaking? Technically, unless
you have the unfortunate habit of talking to
yourself when others are around, all speaking
is public speaking. You talk, someone
hears, public speaking.
You could, of course,
make the argument that speaking on the phone
isn't public speaking. So let's look at
that for a moment. Would you be
comfortable speaking on the phone if more
than one person were listening in? How
about 3? 5? 11? Is there a magic number at
which point talking over the phone would give
you butterflies? If so, what
would that number be, exactly?
When you're imagining
yourself speaking in public, where does the
fear lie? You don't really think you'll
suddenly develop a speech impediment that
you've never had before, do you? Or
your perfectly good knees will suddenly give
out, and you'll fall down, right?
Of course not. You
know intellectually that won't happen.
You could make a mistake though, right?
It's possible you could misspeak, or lose
your place. News for you. It
happens to professional speakers all the
time, and it's no big deal. Have you
ever listened to a speaker that did not ONCE
pause to collect her thoughts, or
accidentally mispronounce a word? What
did you do? Bet you thought nothing of
it. Bet it probably slipped right off
your radar screen, and you didn't even think
about it afterwards.
When you're thinking
about what you fear, it may even serve you to
think of the absolute worse case
scenario. Make it outrageous, and
please, keep it very melodramatic, as though
you were watching a play. Crucial here
to stay "outside" of the situation,
don't actually generate any negative
emotion. Pretend it's happening
"out there".
So there you are,
watching yourself speak in public (deep
breath, please). And you mispronounce a
word. See then, you're easily
correcting the word. If it's a truly
funny mistake, laugh at it with the
audience. Can you see how
self-confident you are?
How about this one, you
lose your place. How do you handle
that? Simple, pauses are extremely
effective for your audience, they need time
to process information. You pause, you
glance at your notes, you resume. Play
it all out in detail.
Can you think of
something truly outrageous that you'd be
afraid might happen? What is it?
What would you do? In each situation,
toss around ideas for yourself so you'll know
how to handle the great feared circumstance.
Expand this skill to
other endeavors. Like to ask for a
raise, but are afraid? What could
happen? How would you handle it?
Again, look at each detail you think you're
afraid of, play it out on stage first, find
your response, see yourself calmly handling
it.
And now, do it. Whatever that thing you fear is, you know
deep down, don't you, that you really can
handle it. That it's not really a big
deal at all, just some unknown that you can
overcome because your intelligence and
ability to figure out a solution is much,
much bigger than your fear.
When you are old, and wearing purple, won't you be
tickled with yourself that when you were able, you took risks, that there were
times when you were afraid and you took the step, and did it anyway? And
won't your experience enrich not only your own life, but be a great example for
some other young woman who wants to do something, but is, right now, a
little afraid.
©2006 Crystal Jonas
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