"Emotional Intelligence the Easy Way" the EI book for you!

Emotional Intelligence Coach, Crystal Jonas 
urges you to develop an essential element 
of Emotional Intelligence -- Have Social Awareness
This includes knowing how you're being perceived
by others.  Do you know when someone finds you
(yikes!) boring?

7 Silent Signs That You May Be Boring Someone
By Crystal Jonas, Emotional Intelligence Coach 
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As an Emotional Intelligence Coach with 
clients all over the country, I can assure you that
*many* people have missed some crucial signs that
others have mentally tuned them out because the
speaker is not aware that they're not engaging the
other person.

Emotional Intelligence and social awareness are critical 
components in cultivating social savvy and the success 
that comes with it.

It's not a real ego booster to realize that what
you think is a great story you've been telling is actually
driving someone to the brink of a coma with boredom. 

However, you will commit this social crime a lot less
often and probably improve your popularity if you do something
about those telltale signs of boredom as soon as they arrive
on the scene.  The critical point, of course, is being able
to recognize boredom at its first blush.

In helping my own EI coaching clients, I quickly make sure they
are *not* damaging the public image they're trying so hard
to build up, so here is one of the first lessons I teach my
own emotional intelligence coaching clients.

Seven nonverbal signals you'll want to pick up on quickly.

Remember, consider the entire context of body language.
Don't put too much meaning in a single gesture.  Rather, notice
the eyes, head, arms, body, the whole body; this allows you to "read"
their messages in the proper context.

1.   Rotating the head from side to side.  You know, like
there's a cramp in the neck.  While the side to side bob
should raise your radar, rest assured that the good old
nod up and down pretty much means what you think it means. 
The person you're talking with is with you and, assuming
there's eye contact, is also agreeing with your take on the matter.

2.  Keeping hands hidden.  The main reason we shake hands,
and military people salute, by the way, is to show that
we're unarmed.  Hidden hands might suggest some kind
of breakdown in communication if accompanied with a severe
break in eye contact. 

3.  EI skills gathered through coaching will help you realize 
what "micro gestures" mean. Narrowing the eyes with the 
head turning away from you.
Not only might you be boring them, but if they also shake their heads,
they may be second guessing your honesty or sincerity.

4.  Eyes glazed over.  Yes, it's the most obvious sign
of boredom.  The unfocused eyes are not a good sign. Especially
when their facial expression fails to even come close to matching
your own expression at the moment.

Those zoned out, non-blinking eyes with emotion-free facial
clues tell you that, wherever their mind is right now, it's not
on what you just said.

5.  Rubbing the ears, eyes, or nose while turning slightly away
from you and even shuffling the feet.  They may be trying
to put a physical barrier between themselves and you. 

6.  Picking at their clothes as eye contact stays persistently
broken or looking around the room.  Are they smoothing wrinkles
that aren't there?  Removing link only they can see? 
Inside they may be thinking when is this person going to
stop talking, and do I need to fake cardiac arrest to get
out of this conversation?  Gently turn the talk back their way.

7.  Showing a clinched fist with tightened facial muscles.
Yikes!  How long have you been talking?  The frustration has
escalated. Quickly, before they do something drastic, let them talk!

Of course, it's impossible to assume an entire
conversation behind a single gesture, and there's no
reason at all for you to take offense at a single one of
these signals in isolation. 
    
Like words themselves, body language in the form of
gestures must be interpreted as part of the entire
communications package.  What else are these people
doing?  Be sure to look at the whole picture before rushing to conclusions.

And remember, of course, when in doubt, it's always a good idea to toss
the conversational ball back in their court.

© Crystal Jonas, "The Emotional Intelligence Coach"