EI Skills include being
self-aware.
"Your Emotional Intelligence Coach" Crystal Jonas
urges you to be self-aware of what you say when
you talk to yourself.
Ask the Right Question, Get the
Right Answer
By Crystal Jonas,
"Your Emotional Intelligence Coach"
See Reprint
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People with high levels of
Emotional Intelligence are more self-aware and are quick to recognize how
self-talk influences their outcomes.
Remember to monitor your
self-talk and to know when you're solving a problem that the quality of your
solution depends on how well you phrase the
problem.
Ever ask yourself any of these
questions:
“Why don’t I ever have extra
money?”
“Why do I have such terrible
relationships with (fill in the blank here: men,
women, bosses, French poodles)?”
“Why am I so (again, answer with
your most common slam against yourself: fat,
ugly, artistically uninspired)?”
As you raise
your EI skills, you'll be more self-aware that your self-talk (including
self-questioning!) will impact your self-confidence and how you will respond and
behave.
These types of negative questions set up a
losing game for you right from the start.
How so?
Your subconscious mind accepts as
Truth (that's with the capital T) whatever
you tell it.
As an Emotional Intelligence
Coach, one of the first steps I take with new clients is to help them realize
that they will never consistently behave contrary to self-image. So, in
helping my clients develop EI skills, we start with purposefully using self-talk
to adjust their self-image.
The more you raise your level
of emotional intelligence, which begins with the critical foundation of
self-awareness, the more you're able to see that your subconscious takes your
self-talk at face value.
Your subconscious is the most capable
and yet most ignorant ally you have. Capable
since it can come up with answers to any
question you pose. Even
if those answers are just “educated
guesses.” Ignorant, because it does not, for
even the briefest moment, question what you
tell it.
It presupposes every thing you tell it
is true.
So, for example, if you ask, “Why am
I so stupid?” It doesn’t say, “Just wait a
minute. You’re
not stupid!
Remember when you bought Microsoft for
$3.17 a share, or how about when you put your
backyard deck in yourself, or when you
figured out how to change the clock on your
VCR for daylight savings time? You are really
so very smart.”
Sadly, the subconscious does not
contradict.
It is not the mind’s seat of tough
love that holds up a mirror and forces us to
see life as it really is. It is
more of a fun house mirror that returns and
deepens the image your conscious mind already
has of itself
The bad news is, ask yourself a lousy
question, and you get a lousy answer. No
contradictions, no protests, just answers to
your questions, whatever they may be.
Now, let’s look at the good news. Since
it will find a way to prove you right, or to
answer your question, it will work as your
advocate just as quickly as it works against
you when you “program” it with a negative
question.
How would this play out? Simple.
Let’s say, what you’d really like
to do is to have financial security. Rather
than asking yourself, why do I never have any
money, or why does money seem to slip through
my fingers?
Let those ideas go right now.
Instead, replace them with a well
worded question, for example, what can I give
so I may have financial abundance in return? See,
the Universe loves this idea that you reap
what you sow.
The more you give, the more you get. So
focus strongly on this. Meditate
on it.
Ask yourself what your most compelling
strengths are, and how you may put those to
use to benefit others, and in doing so, reap
financial rewards. When
you put your mind to developing your talents
to the benefit of others, amazing things
happen.
Let’s go through another example so
you can get a solid idea of the “well-framed”
question.
Say you would like to meet someone
special.
A question you would ask yourself is,
how can I consistently draw out my best
qualities in order to attract the kind of
person that I’m looking for? (or my soul
mate, or whatever concept appeals to you).
Note here that you’re looking again
to give, since the key is contribution
(sowing) first, then you ask for something,
or someone, (and reap) in return. In the
meanwhile, you’re out there being
lighthearted and charming, having a great
time while others enjoy the pleasure of your
company.
Not only will you find the person you’re
looking for, but the whole process will be
much more relaxed and fun.
Do play with this concept. Have
fun with the process of rephrasing those
former questions that brought you down with
those that lift you up and provide a wealth
of incredible insight.
Keep this in mind,
“The quality of your
solution directly relates to how well you
phrase the problem.”
©2006 Crystal Jonas
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